January 22nd 2023

Marriage Testimony

Hi Pastor,

During a difficult 3 months of sickness, I was able to really reflect and have some serious self-evaluation and then I went on the offense. I became deliberately intentional and purposeful in my role as a wife and home-maker. 

I started looking in the mirror and asking myself, what am I bringing to the table to offer help and healing to my physical state, my mind and my marriage. In relation to my marriage, I had been bringing moaning, indifference, self-will and a subtle unhealthy dose of lack of submission and respect. 

I am far from a feminist but it's amazing how the world can bewitch you to be a strong woman that doesn't really need a man even if she happen to live with one. In everyday life you get the message that you need to be independent wherever possible. And that men are the baddies. 

I began to look into the role of a wife, reading and meditating on Prov 31. The verses that stood out the most were 11-12 

'The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.' 

I felt that I couldn't see enough me in that whole chapter so I began to fast and I pray specifically over particular verses. I listened to sermons on marriage and being a virtuous wife and what the bible describes as femininity. I asked for help to put things in action no matter what I got back in return from my husband. 

I saw rapid change, firstly in me. As we have heard over the years, the wife sets the atmosphere of the home. While I was off sick, I began to get my home in order, I began to make time to prepare the home better before my husband returned home from work. 

Candles burning, the smell of baking to greet him. I stopped looking like a bag lady when he came through the door. I gave him a long hug every time he left and returned. I gave him space after coming home to rest and recover from work. I tried to listen more intently to hear and to understand. 

I tried to submit without questions and attitude. Saying thank you, notes of affirmation here and there. I tried to be kind and soft and nice.

But most of all, I prayed specifically over my husband, speaking life and hope over him, wisdom and the power of the Holy Spirit to lead him to lead us. I spoke what God said was good, God's will rather than my complaining. I took responsible for me and my part in the equation. I began to be grateful and look for the good. 

So simple but powerful.  

And without a word as the Bible says, my husband changed, our home changed, our child changed and my heart became softer towards my husband. 

'1st Peter 3.1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.' 

As Karen Toppin told me at my bridal shower years ago, marriage is about you. Don't look at him, look at you, check your own actions and heart and it will only get better.  My focus shifted to 'the conduct of the wife' 

God reminded me that marriage is spiritual.  Life is spiritual. Prayer is key. And prayer with actions is vital. I had been functioning as a victim. Woe is me was my anthem. 

I knew it was the work of the enemy but I was not taking action. Things only changed when I came to myself as the prodigal son and got up off my face and made my way back to the Father. My health is better, and so is my home, my heart and my lovely husband.