Morning Pastor,

Hope you are well.

I was reflecting over our conversation from yesterday, just about where I was at this time last year and where God has brought me.

As you know, I was on discipline and not doing well spiritually and mentally. I was preparing to take my resits for my BSE theory exam (having not done very well on the first attempt) and was more anxious than I had ever been in my life. I was in a place where all I felt was disappointment. I felt like a complete failure; like I was losing everything and that I had let everyone close to me down.

On top of that, I had also tasked myself with trying to keep my new disciples in church whilst not even being there myself. Imagine me trying to encourage them when I could not even encourage myself. I would go to college feeling empty, go to work feeling depressed and come home feeling desolate. 

All I wanted at this point was to finish my course, get my qualifications and move on with life. I was slowly becoming more and more content with the idea of not coming back to church and starting over again on my own terms. Even this became a struggle because I was mentally drained and stopped caring about everything altogether. I would constantly show up late for class (or not even show up at all and sleep all day instead) and put in such little effort that my teacher was considering not even putting me in for my practical exam. 

I remember being sat down one day and amongst other things, being asked if I wanted to work in retail for the rest of my life (this was my job at the time). It really began to dawn on me that I was living in a pit of my own despair and heading down an unnecessary downward spiral.

I had a teacher who actually believed in me (which is unheard of in college), yet I was throwing away potential opportunities for the future because I could only see where I was at that moment in time; wallowing in my own self-pity. Not only did I have to repent, but I really had to ask God to help me. He was the one who opened the door for me to be on this course and He had (and still has) far bigger plans than what I could see.

I made the decision to spend both time in the library and extra time in the workshop (before and after college) and actually see my course through. My whole time was spent either revising for my resists, practising for my practical exam or doing research/applications for apprenticeships.

It was in this period that I really started to see God move. I had two interviews, both with major companies within my industry and ended up receiving a conditional offer for an apprenticeship. The grades I achieved in my course surpassed the minimum requirements (the minimum was a merit. I achieved a distinction) and I am currently preparing to start in my new role. 

One of the biggest blessings in all of this is having time for prayer/bible reading in the mornings again and being able to be more involved in ministry (my previous job would see me constantly get home late and leave me exhausted). It definitely has not been easy, but I thank God for everything I went through last year and how He still managed to turn it around for His glory. 

It blows my mind.

All the best Pastor,

James Lynch.